Working Long Hours Creates No Romance at Home

Reader’s Question

I am married for 15 years now and of late have been working late hours. Tired and exhausted I come home expecting a welcome and some love and my wife is tired of waiting for me so she decides to go to sleep. I want love and can’t get it now. My wife knows what a long day it has been yet I have to beg for love or sexual relief. I don’t know how to be able to ask for this love. Please help me as this happens almost every night for over two months now. I love my wife and don’t want to lose her or break up.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Working late hours is exhausting both you and your marriage. While you are missing your romantic relationship, your wife is missing her husband, conversation, having a husband around the house, etc. I would imagine that you are coming home, wanting to make love, then go to sleep due to your exhaustion. This is actually being disrespectful to your wife who wants her husband home, not a man who comes in late, wants to make love, then goes to sleep — only to repeat the same cycle the next day.

To return the romance to your life, you must return the relationship to your life. Create special evenings of dinner, conversation, etc. with the understanding that you must work late other days. Discuss how you can rearrange your schedule where both of you can get what you want and need. You’ll notice that the problem began when you started working very late hours. Work toward getting your schedule back to normal and your marital relationship should return to normal. Keep in mind that both you and your wife are losing a lot due to these additional late night working hours.

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