I Feel Sorry for My Ex-Boyfriend

Reader’s Question

I have a problem with my ex-boyfriend. I have dated him for the past 7 years. I was 13 years old when I met him and he was 7 years older. We were together for past 7 years and now I don’t feel anything against him. I told him that I don’t love him and he is reacting like a crazy person. He is saying that it’s impossible that I don’t love him still but the truth is that I really don’t love him and I don’t know what to do beause he is really suffering. Every night he brings 1 red rose and puts it in the car so I will take it in the morning. I feel sorry for him, I don’t want to see him suffering like this but what to do I don’t know…

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

It sounds like you’ve matured out of the relationship…and away from him. All romantic breakups are difficult. In your situation, you’ve probably known your feelings have changed for many months. The breakup may be more of a shock to him and the shock is producing his behaviors.

To help him you must remain steady in your decision to leave the relationship. If you feel sorry for him and suggest that something might work out later, that will only make the situation worse. Let him know that the end of the relationship is a big change for both of you. You both will have some insecurities about your new life. The age difference probably gave him a sense of control in the relationship, something you’ve matured away from now. I would also recommend that you just enjoy friends and activities now. You’ve been in a relationship since the age of 13 and need to learn about other people now. Don’t immediately seek another boyfriend but enjoy being with lots of people and friends. The more people we meet, the better we become at meeting and relating to others. Improve your social skills and encourage your ex-boyfriend to do the same.

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