I Can’t Love Others…What’s Wrong?

Reader’s Question

I have a question. I do not have the feeling of love. I cannot think of one person that I actually do love and mean it. Could losing a number of close family members when you are a young child affect your feelings when you are an adult, like not being able to love others and becoming close with others?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The loss of a close family member during childhood can influence our willingness to love others, but there are many factors involved. One of the most significant issues is the age of the child at the time of the loss. Another factor is the relationship between the family member and the child — parent, sibling, grandparent? Yet another issue is the “personality” of the family. Some families are warm, loving and hugging — making feelings of love more obvious and acceptable. Some families are very close yet don’t demonstrate their love with words, feelings, or behaviors. Our family environment often provides a model for us to use when we reach adulthood.

If you’re having trouble becoming emotionally close to others, I’d recommend seeing a counselor/therapist. A trained therapist can assist you in sorting out the different factors that may be producing your concern.