Found Message on Girlfriend’s Phone to Ex-Boyfriend…Should I Leave Her?

Reader’s Question

I found a message in my girlfriend’s phone to her ex-boy friend. The message read thus “Though our feelings r diminishing I will always keep our memories alive. At times I may feel to share with you but something keeps me down. I am always scared.”

I want to leave her. Should I or should I not?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You didn’t mention how you found the message. If you found it by accident it’s fine to ask her about it, and if the message means anything to your current relationship. She does say the feelings are diminishing and the memories will remain — and that happens in relationships. We all retain memories of past relationships although the feelings diminish.

If you found the message because you were checking her messages without her knowledge, and she was being monitored, then the relationship has other problems. If you feel the relationship is worthwhile for both of you, then discuss the situation. Talk about how both of you probably had prior relationships and what that means to your current relationship. On the other hand, if you want to leave then do so, but don’t blame that on her or the message. New relationships are frequently troubled by continued contacts with ex spouses, partners, lovers, etc. The goal in a new relationship is to make your partner feel safe, despite the presence of previous relationships. Open and honest discussions can fix those issues most of the time.