I Have Feelings for a Friend

Reader’s Question

I like one girl, but we’ve been friends for a while. That says everything, heh. Just “forget about it and save friendlike relationships” is not a variant for me, for many reasons.

How can I tell her my feelings?

Just tell her — sounds weird (HOW to tell???).

Ask her for a date — sounds stupid.

Or is it…?

What should I do?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Friends often socialize in groups. As time passes, some friends become better friends than others, forming couples. It sounds like you want to move from being “friends” to being a couple. To do that, you need to explore if she’s interested in being a couple first. During friend discussions of movies, events, shopping, etc., wait for a private moment then volunteer to take her. The goal is to see if she’s interested in being with you as a couple. It’s clumsy and awkward but something like “If you need a movie partner, let me know.” She may not be ready to be a couple with anyone as yet. Rather than express your feelings about her, first see if she’s interested in the couples relationship.

People who enjoy each other in social settings often become friends. Friends then begin socializing as a group. Couples then form as two friends find they have a lot in common and enjoy being with each other. Some of those couples then experience romance. Each of those steps is exciting, yet uncomfortable, but that’s why romance is so interesting…and whacky at times.