Advice Needed for Teen Romance Involving Different Cultures

Reader’s Question

Muslim family recently arrived in Australia, strong values of their country origin. 17-year-old Muslim daughter wants to move in with 17-year-old Aboriginal boyfriend. How can I advise them?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Well, it doesn’t get more complicated than that! I would advise them to both obtain counsel with trusted elders in their respected cultures. These elders may be in the form of their religious elders or family seniors. Their recent arrival in Australia may have created a situation where the 17-year-old daughter has linked up with the boyfriend in an effort to feel safe in the new country and new culture. It’s like taking a new job and making immediate friends with someone who knows all aspects of the job and new employer. While this is a common emotional-survival strategy, it has significant cultural implications in this situation. I’m also concerned that the recent arrival in a new country/culture, followed by sudden attachment and the desire to “move in” with another 17-year-old of a different culture, may be associated with a severe depressive or stress reaction on the part of the young female. For this reason, I would also suggest consultation with a mental health professional due to the dramatic change in thought and attitude reflected by her behavior.