Emotional Roller Coaster Ride in a Relationship

Reader’s Question

I would like to know if what has been happening to me has to do with some sort of psychological disorder. I have been in a relationship for about a year now with someone who seems to be great. He isn’t perfect, but he has the best qualities from the rest of all the other guys I’ve dated in the past. My feelings for him always seem to be like I am in a roller coaster ride. Some days I love him others I don’t. Whether we have been in a fight or not it is always the same thing. Especially if he is too nice to me. Not so long ago I realized this might be a problem within me because I have felt this same way in other relationships to the point where I pushed that person away or they have even cheated on me and then finally I start realizing how much I loved them or maybe I was just miserable because that person left me. I am really concerned this time around beacause I see myself acting and feeling the same way despite whether he is a good person or not. Sometimes I try to find things wrong with him so I can pick fights and when he is finally fed up then I get worried. Please let me know how I can get some help or what you think about my situation. I have previously suffered from depression but I haven’t in a couple years now. Thank God. Not so long ago I got over panic attacks due to post traumatic stress syndrome after a car accident. My sister says the same exact thing happens to her with her husband: she is never satisfied but deep inside she knows she loves her husband. Our mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 11 so there is a history of mental illness.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

While this doesn’t sound like Schizophrenia, it does sound like a significant concern. You seem to be experiencing a type of emotional and attitude instability. If you sister has similar issues, this may be related to your upbringing. Parents with psychiatric illness often provide an unstable role model for their children, also creating unprovoked crisis situations in the home. When this happens, we have difficulty understanding both our moods and the situations around us. Our behavior and our mood becomes unpredictable. We also develop unusual interpretations of common situations — feeling something is wrong if we are being treated well, for example. I would recommend seeing a therapist in an attempt to sort out these feelings and behaviors. As you know, dealing with unpredictable moods and behaviors will eventually emotionally exhaust your partner. You will also experience emotional exhaustion in the form of depression if this continues.

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