Ten Years Age Difference in Our Relationship

Reader’s Question

I have known this girl for a year now, and we have been talking about dating. Everything is great between us, we have so much in common, and we have real strong feelings for one another. We talk on the phone every night, we text each other every day and the communication is great. As far as doing things, we like the same things, we like to go to the same places and we are extremely happy. She is the best thing that has happened in my life, and she says the same about me. There is just one problem in our relationship. The only problem that we have is our age. And it’s not a problem for us, she is just scared to tell her parents about us. She just turned 17 a few months ago, and I will be 27 in a few months. Both of us have agreed that we don’t want to lie to her parents, and both of us want more in our relationship. However we both feel that maybe her parents won’t approve of her dating someone ten years older, at least not until she is 18. She had asked her parents about dating someone older when she was 18 and her parents didn’t care. But that is seven more months in May when she turns 18. Her parents are twelve years apart, and my parents are fifteen years apart in age. My parents approve of it but I’m older too. They say love has no boundaries, and that age is just a number, but what do you think we should do? Give up on the best thing in our life? Or do you think we should just try and tell them?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

If this is true love, it will wait another seven months. Your girlfriend can then make her decisions as an adult and I would imagine her parents would respect those decisions. During these next months, work on improving your communication with her. Relationships between individuals are also relationships with families. It’s not a good idea to begin a relationship with a family (or future in-laws) based on distrust, lies, or opposition to the relationship. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Invest in another seven months and then develop the relationship adult-to-adult. It’s likely to be more successful in all areas if done that way.

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