Where Can a Person Get a Total Emotional Overhaul?

Reader’s Question

Are there facilities or programs where a person can go to get a total overhaul? I have a younger sister (10 yrs younger than myself) who is going through a particularly bad time in her life. She’s 35, recently divorced, developing an alcohol dependency and has appeared to be “mad at the world” for most of her life, even as a young child. Our parents separated in 1978, myself and my younger sister went with my Mother and my other sister (2 years younger than myself) stayed with my Father.

My Mother was a very bitter woman at that time, very angry with my Father, had no tools to use against him but his own children. My Mother’s attitude towards my Father was such that she would tell us he didn’t love us. She was not the pillar of strength that my younger sister and myself needed at that time, but we made it through. Unfortunately my younger sister, whom I will refer to as “Molly”, has suffered some long term effects of my Mother’s antics.

Molly was diagnosed with Epilepsy at 3 years of age and was treated with various medications for such (Phenobarb, Dilantin, etc.). She was taken off the medication at around 8 years old. Molly became a very irritated child — moody, angry, temper tantrums, etc. I moved away at age 19, when Molly was around 9 or so. Molly appeared to be OK during her high school and college years. Molly grew up to be a somewhat selfish person, not very considerate of other’s feelings, she gained weight and started developing health problems. She disclosed to us several years ago that our Mother had taken part in sexually molesting her as a child. This was a big event in our family. Totally blasted us out of the water. My Mother, who deals with her own mental issues, absolutely freaked. My Mother denied it. Molly won’t talk to anyone about it though. Apparently she went for some counseling, but she admitted to me recently that she simply tells councellors what they want to hear.

She’s never had problems with expressing her anger, but has become more patient when her daughter was born. Molly had been married for 8 years, when her husband started discussing having children. I could not really see Molly being a Mother, and I knew she wasn’t thrilled with the idea. But her husband advised that if they were not going to have children, there was no use staying together — he wanted children. Molly made a choice, to save her relationship, and had a child. A lovely little girl, cute as a button.

As I mentioned above, Molly and her husband got divorced just over a year ago. Molly was going through a very difficult time then, she became depressed and unable to cope. In this state, she was not capable of looking after her infant child, and her husband sued for sole custody. He got it. She is an LPN, is having trouble finding work in the area she lives in. She took a retail job, to pay the bills, but with her health issues (medical and mental), she was unable and unfit to work. She is now at the point where she simply works (she works casual shifts as an LPN) and sleeps. She sleeps because she simply can’t face what her life has become. She’s never been a particularly “happy” person. She now feels she has no one, only her daughter, and I fear for Molly. I don’t know that she is suicidal, but if things don’t take a turn for the better, it may be a reality. Being her older sister, I am compelled to help her get through this critical time in her life. Our Father passed away a year ago, and I’m having my own troubles, but I simply can’t sit back and watch her deteriorate this way.

There must be facilities or programs that are offered to people who find themselves in this state. Maybe if she could be around a support group (my sister and I have tried to be there for her, but I don’t think we are the answer), people who are facing the same issues she is. She’s being treated for depression — too many medications for me to count, and they don’t seem to be helping her, on the contrary they seem to be making her worse. She has no energy or ambition to even get out of bed some days.

I know that somewhere in Molly there is the “little Molly” who simply needs a fresh start. I don’t think she likes herself very much, and I truly feel that if someone could help repair the damage (whatever it turns out to be), she has the potential to be a loving and caring Mother, which is what she most wants to be.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

As you identified, your sister is showing signs of depression. However, antidepressant medication alone is only partially effective as you’ve witnessed. Depression is both biological and cognitive (thinking) and she will need some counseling or therapy support at this point. In her situation, the death of your father a year ago has probably added bereavement to her already-present depression — making her situation extremely miserable.

While you asked for resources, you didn’t indicate where you are on the globe. If I assume you’re in the United States, there are several professional resources in a community that can guide your sister toward effective help and treatment. A family physician or OB/GYN is often a community gatekeeper, a person who knows what’s available in the community. Most communities in the US have a mental health center that often has psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, psychiatric nurses, etc. They often have support groups as well. The Internet has a variety of discussion groups and blogs related to depression that are often helpful. As concerned family members, it’s helpful to monitor her mood and be especially sensitive to talk of hopelessness and helplessness that are often pre-symptoms of suicidal thoughts. I’d also recommend that you do your homework and make yourself aware of the mental health services in your community. In this way, if your sister recognizes the need for help, you already have the needed information available.