Coping with the Departure of a Counselor

Reader’s Question

I have been seeing a counselor for the past 3 and a half years. I would go about a month in between visits. I was originally being seen as a requirement for lap band surgery. I have never liked myself and continued seeing the counselor to work on self esteem issues and depression after having the lap-band inserted. I am also in a loveless marriage and cannot seem to get the courage to leave. The last time I went for an appointment my counselor told me that she was leaving her position for another position and would no longer be able to see me. I really became attached to her. I am having a hard time just walking away. I did not go to my last appointment because I was afraid of saying good bye. I do not understand how you are supposed to spill your guts to someone and then walk away. I cannot stop thinking about wanting to talk to her again. I am still having problems with depression and this is driving me crazy. I do not want to see anyone else because I know I will just get attached again.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

The mental health profession is just like any other profession — people take new jobs, leave the area, return to school, etc. Losing a therapist is indeed a loss. It’s a loss of a relationship, support person, and confidant. It is very normal to have a period of grief related to the loss of the relationship. This loss of a counselor may be an important point in your progress however. Your attachment to the counselor may have been a type of dependency that you’ll need to consider. As you mention about your marriage, dependency upon anyone often makes any decisions and actions to change our life very difficult. While counseling involves some gut spilling, it also involves opportunities for change.

I would recommend considering another counselor. One of the first issues to address with the new counselor might be your attachment to your previous counselor and your current fear of attachment. These are common themes in therapy and counseling. This situation is providing you with a test of courage…the courage to start a new, healthy relationship with someone. You can use the counseling experience to find, improve, and practice your courage. If successful, that new courage may be exactly what is need to make dramatic improvements in your life. While her departure closes one chapter in your life, it opens the door to the next chapter…and you’re writing the book!

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