Should I Let a New Boyfriend Bond With My Child?

Reader’s Question

When my ex and I separated, our child was just a few months old. My ex would fit the category of a sociopath, as he was very abusive. He was not much of a dad to our child and continues not to be. Well, sometimes he is and sometimes he is not. Now a guy I had been dating for awhile has formed a bond with our child. Sometimes I push him away because I don’t want my child to have any confusion about his dad. I’m afraid he will be confused, and at 2 years old, I can’t explain much to him. Am I doing the right thing or am I wrong?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You are wrong to push the new guy away from your child, especially if he is a good man. Why? Your sociopathic/abusive ex will gradually fade away over the years as sociopaths are totally selfish and have no true concern for parenting. Your child will need a stable father figure, something the ex will be unable and unwilling to provide. Thousands of children receive healthy parenting from a stepfather while they know who their biological father is without question…they just rarely see him.

Keep in mind that as your relationship with the new boyfriend grows, your sociopathic ex may try to ruin the relationship. He does that not because he loves you or the child, but because sociopaths always try to keep ex victims/partners on the “back burner” — always available just in case they need something. I’d recommend reading my article on Identifying Losers and reviewing the discussion group on this topic on this website.

Having a sociopath for a “Dad” is not having a father, any more than having a sociopath for a relationship partner is having a good boyfriend. Both you and your child will improve your life if a good man joins your family.