Child Can’t Focus During Marital Situation

Reader’s Question

My son is 6 years old and in the first grade. He had trouble keeping up in school last year. He was promoted to the first grade and is having even more trouble keeping up. I had him tested at school. His IQ score was good. The only problem was his reading. He passed in the reading, but on the low range of passing. So they developed a plan to help him with his reading. I still see a problem with him staying focused and having the enthusiasm to want to learn. His teacher said he daydreams a lot and often has a blank look on his face. He says he doesn’t understand his work, but will do a good job if the teacher is watching over his shoulder. She feels like he can do the work, but why is he afraid to do it on his own? A lot of times she will catch him playing with his pencil or his hands instead of listening and paying attention to her. I have also found that if I’m reading to him, it will look as if he didn’t have a clue what I read. I would ask him a question and he would be able to answer it. I need help with keeping him on task. Is there something else going on with him?? About me personally, I am separated from his father. He doesn’t spend much time with him either. So I am trying to raise him and his sisters on my own. We do get to do fun things together and he does have a best friend that he plays with. He would rather spend his time playing rather than learning. How can I motivate him and shake him out of the daydreams?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Children at this age can have problems with focusing, concentration, and attention for a variety of reasons. Some of those reasons include:

1. immaturity
2. anxiety
3. ADHD Inattentive Type
4. allergies
5. asthma
6. medications used for existing medical conditions
7. being seated around distracting students
8. poorly organized classrooms, etc.

From your description, and with the opinion of the teacher, anxiety may be the problem. There’s a difference, psychological reaction wise, between being divorced and being separated. Being separated suggests a higher level of disorganization in the home, as well as being more recent from a time standpoint. While children talk well, they have almost no understanding of adult events around them. Children can’t verbalize their feelings well and often regress to an earlier stage of development when under stress. Six year olds will begin wetting the bed, baby talk, exhibit clinging and dependent behaviors, and have an increased need for adult attention. Your son is likely adjusting to the separation. This should correct itself over time.

I might add that between the ages of five and seven the child’s brain lateralizes — that is, one side of the brain takes over after a brief neurological fight and the child becomes right or left handed. During this time, reading is very difficult. If this is the case, you’ll notice that he’s writing letters and numbers backward, seeing “was” as “saw”, etc. This also passes with time in the majority of cases.

I’d recommend focusing on keeping the environment comfortable. Keep in mind that during a separation, children stress over things we take for granted. Assure him that he will have a home, food, access to relatives, etc. His concerns will probably slip out in the questions or comments he makes…pay attention to them. If this doesn’t correct itself over many months, referral to a psychologist might provide additional assessment to see if a learning problem is actually present.