Sister Obsessed With Impressing People

Reader’s Question

I am worried about my sister. I feel she is neurotically obsessed with impressing people. When I suggested she may have low self-esteem she denied it and became very defensive and instead claimed her confidence in herself is high. She lies to other people about very minor things like saying she is best of buddies with everyone in her family, or saying she writes poetry when she doesn’t. I can’t understand it. Even worse is now she has signed up to do a Master’s degree. I am worried because I know they are expensive and also know she is not doing it for the sheer enthusiasm and dedication to her studies but rather so that she can boast to other people that she is doing an MA.

I want to understand her and help her but I don’t know how.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You sister may love social attention. In her quest for social attention she may exaggerate, overemphasize, or invent reasons for people to talk to her. From a clinical standpoint, this type of behavior is usually self-limiting, meaning that if she lies or exaggerates a lot, people quickly identify her as a liar or drama-queen and begin to ignore her. Her behavior is a social technique rather than a psychiatric issue. I know a very introverted artist who, when he finds himself at a social gathering, begins drawing people in the room until people surround him and ask to be drawn. It works every time for him.

The Master’s Degree will also be self-limiting. The brief minutes of social attention will not be worth the hours of study and class attendance. Of course, there are those people who can claim “I’m working on my Ph.D.” when in reality, they take one class every other year.

These behaviors are part of her personality. You can expect them to continue. Your best bet is to relax and be entertained by her efforts to impress others.