Boyfriend is Depressed and Doesn’t Want to Be With Me

Reader’s Question

My boyfriend is suffering from depression. We have been together for 7 years and our relationship is on the end, as he is saying he dosen’t really want to be with me. He is very confused, stressed and overworked, and it is making me depressed with the things he says and does to me. I don’t know what to do: please HELP!!

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Depression causes many people to lose their jobs, careers, relationships, and marriages. When depressed and stressed, our feelings become numb — nothing means anything to us anymore. We also develop escape fantasies which causes us to end jobs and relationships — feeling that change may fix our depressed feelings.

You can encourage him to seek mental health treatment for his depression — not for the relationship, but to help him with his depression and stress level. It seems clear that he is fading away. If you try to hold on, he may become verbally abusive and even physically abusive. Depressed folks have a lot of resentment and anger and he may be turning that in your direction.

If he does fade away and the relationship ends, you may want to seek counseling for yourself to deal with your depression and the loss of the relationship.