Emotionally Tired and Don’t Know Where to Start

Reader’s Question

I am emotionally tired of drama in my life — with my parents, money, work — and I want to be independent. I just do not know where to start. Any suggestions…?

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

When we are emotionally tired, surrounded by stressors (parents, money, work, etc.), and can’t seem to reach our goals (independence) — that drama is usually a high stress level. High levels of stress make it difficult to make decisions about what to do first, next, and what not to worry about right now. The first thing you will need to do is lower the stress and drama in your life. Identify those things that are creating stress and focus on making them less stressful. If we have a friend or family member that is very stressful, for example, move them out to a safer emotional distance. Talk to them less or reduce your involvement in their drama for example. Examine your own situation. Are you doing things or do you have an attitude that is making matters worse? If we have been making bad decisions — parents often become more concerned if not smothering.

Happiness is often the degree to which our behaviors move us toward our goals. If you want to be independent, are you making moves in that direction — or worse, are you behaving or thinking in a way that makes people think you shouldn’t be independent? Also try to use personal stress-reduction techniques. A counselor or therapist may be helpful in sorting out your stressors as well as helping you prioritize your efforts.