Relationship With a User…Now What Do I Do?

Reader’s Question

Hi. I am a doctor by profession, 27 year old single female. I had tried on my exams for my post graduation, but failed because at that time some guy had started making me involved with him. He even tried to be physical with me, but I was saved as I came out of it a virgin. Then he left me, as if he never knew me. I cried for months and couldn’t even concentrate on my exams. Now I’m planning to go to the USA. I now am fearing how I’m gonna study. I furthermore can’t tolerate any more such deceptive relationships where the guy just wants to use the female. I’m losing my mental balance. I fear that my career as a doctor might get smashed. I don’t know what to do…

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Your dating experience is very common. There are men and women who use and abuse others. I’d recommend focusing on your profession as a physician. Many of your patients can have a bad disease — and recover and return to their lives. You’ve had a bad relationship and need to do the same thing — recover and return to your life and your profession. Your crying and poor concentration are part of the depression that comes from a loss of the relationship. Encourage yourself to refocus your life on your career, a move to a new country, and any examinations you might face. Don’t waste your time thinking about that relationship — you had an experience with a bad virus — and you need to get back on your feet and return to your career.

When you arrive in the US, remember that we have users and abusers here as well. For that reason, establish your professional life and reputation before you consider any dating offers. Make friends who can warn you of the social predators.

This is not an experience that should smash your career. It does remind you that we are all susceptible to being used and abused. Return to your studies and make an agreement with yourself not to date seriously until you have established your medical practice in your community.