Past Relationship With a Pedophile

Reader’s Question

I had a relationship with a pedophile before. I didn’t know he was one at the time. But now I think I have Stockholm Syndrome, because I want to find him again. I’m 14 years old and I want to know how I can change this type of behavior.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

It is very possible that you have a type of Stockholm Syndrome. First of all, you didn’t have a “relationship” with a pedophile — you were the victim of a pedophile! Pedophiles don’t have relationships with their victims. They select a potential victim, then begin to create a fake relationship in a process we call “grooming” the victim. Grooming may include acting friendly, buying things for the victim, physically touching the victim, and telling the victim that their behavior is special yet should be kept secret. It’s not uncommon for children not to recognize the grooming behavior of a pedophile.

When we are the victim of a pedophile, it often takes years to psychologically recover from the experience. Because the experience happens when we are a child, our feelings about the experience are often very confusing as you have experienced.

DO NOT try to find the pedophile as he will only victimize you again…perhaps in a more serious manner. I suspect you are having problems with family or personal stress at this time. When under stress, we often search our memories. You may be going through feelings that you are not loved enough or you aren’t receiving enough attention. This is NOT the time to be thinking about a pedophile in your personal history. Pedophile are criminals who prey on defenseless and helpless children. In prisons, they are considered to be the lowest form of criminals.

I would recommend that you seek counseling to deal with these feelings. As you become older, you may revisit this problem from time to time as your age and maturity may view the experience differently each time. No matter how you view it however, pedophilia is a criminal act.