Dealing with Memories of Childhood Abuse

Reader’s Question

I am a 37 year old woman who has recently discovered that her children have been abused. This prompted an awful depression and memories of my own severe abuse, including psychological and physical tortures. I have not remembered these horrific events for a long time, although I have always clearly remembered some severe nightmares which I can now closely link to my actual abuse.

I am in counselling currently but I am very worried about the fact that there is a part of me that seems to control memory retention. I have been worried that I might have some form of DID or Schizophrenia. After much research however, I do not think this is the case.

Are there other forms of psychological reaction to abuse that you can advise me to look into?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

I think you’re on the right track with counseling. In your situation, the major psychological reaction is linked to Emotional Memory. Our memories of abuse contain not only details…but the emotions that were present at that time. It’s like remembering the death of a friend and tearing up. I’ve written an article on Emotional Memory that is available on this website. I think it would be helpful as you work to understand your current reaction and situation.

Emotional Memories are not related to DID or Schizophrenia. However, very strong Emotional Memories can be very distressing and even rattling to our emotional stability. Depression also makes us review our worst experiences, making you review all those memories of abuse and torture. For this reason, I would recommend that you also seek a medication consultation, perhaps for an antidepressant. You are now dealing with not only the children’s situation — but reliving your own history as well. That’s going to be emotionally exhausting.

Keep in mind that Emotional Memories are a record of where you’ve been and what you’ve experienced — not who you are now in 2007. In counseling, after processing some of those memories, be sure to return to the present, maybe by some ritual or procedure that reminds you that those memories were from years ago. As an example, when leaving counseling, play some modern or current-favorite music in the car to remind you it’s 2007. This sounds hokey I know, but if we don’t put those bad memories back — they continue to haunt us for hours…sometimes days.

Again, you’re on the right track. Watch for the physical symptoms of depression and if present, seek psychiatric consultation.