My Boyfriend Constantly Over-Analyzes Situations

Reader’s Question

My boyfriend is constantly over-analyzing situations and people and worrying about their thoughts, motives, and intentions. He worries about his own thoughts and feels like he has no control over them sometimes. Every few months or so he has an extreme episode that lasts a week or two when all he wants to do is be by himself to think and try to relax. However, being alone gives him more time to think and frustrate himself. He refuses to talk to me about any of it because he doesn’t think I will understand. When we do talk about it, he gets frustrated and gives up almost immediately, saying that he’s “weird” and there’s nothing talking can do to help him. I’ve been researching psychological disorders, etc. online and I can’t find any that fit very closely. What might be wrong with him, and what can I do to help him?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There are several psychological conditions that can produce the symptoms and behaviors you describe. The most common is a depressive disorder. When depressed, our mind races and becomes overwhelmed by negative thoughts. We also become hypersensitive and begin taking the comments, glances, and behavior of others very personally and very negatively. The fact that he is worried suggests an affective (depressive) or anxiety disorder.

I’d recommend that he read articles on depression and anxiety disorders on this website. His level of emotional distress will gradually increase if he doesn’t address this issue. Review with him his current level of stress, responsibility, or pressure. This often prompts the development of a depressive or anxiety disorder. He may also want to consider seeking a mental health professional who may help him understand what’s going on. Keep in mind, he’s not overanalyzing like an engineer or psychologist might overanalyze. He is only finding negative, derogatory, and threatening thoughts and motives in his depressive analysis. This is a sign of depression — not an analytical mind.

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