How Can I Trust My Partner?

Reader’s Question

I have been with my partner for 2 years. She recently got a new job and does not want to tell her co-workers she is involved with a woman. She wants to hang out with them alone. She was recently invited to go out for drinks with her co-workers and their girlfriends, and she does not want me to go because she is afraid they will think we are a couple. About 5 months ago I caught her with a man; she claimed she was going out with an old friend of hers. I constantly wonder if she is going to cheat on me. I need to know what I need to do. I am very emotional, so it bothered me when she said she didn’t want me going to have drinks. I guess I just need help with trust issues. How can I trust that she won’t have too much to drink and mess around with one of the guys? By the way, I am the only woman she has ever been with. I would appreciate any advice you could give.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

It’s possible that your partner wants to make friends and develop relationships with her co-workers before addressing additional aspects of her life, such as your relationship. If she has cheated on you, this behavior would clearly bring up the trust issues again as her behavior reminds you of the previous incident. It’s also possible that she isn’t quite sure how to represent your relationship with her new co-workers, especially if you are her first female partner. I’d recommend giving her some time to establish herself in the new job. We would hope that after that happens, she would gradually introduce you to her new friends and co-workers.

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