Friend Preoccupied with Medical Symptoms

Reader’s Question

I am worried about a friend. She is a ‘carer’ for her partner who is said to suffer from Gulf War Illness, not recognised by our government in the UK. She is also a carer for her elderly parents and for her Grandson, who now lives with her and her partner, who supposedly suffers from ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome along with his younger brother and his father. According to this friend all her family and friends have something or other wrong with them, physically or mentally.

People joke about her being a ‘walking medical dictionary’ or call her Doctor (but not to her face as she would fly off in a rage) as she seems to have so much medical knowledge. She has never had any medical training but ’self diagnoses’ illnesses within her circle of family and friends, then insists they seek medical treatment to the extent that she hangs on like a leech until the said person takes medical advice.

Herself, she says she is a ‘factor 5 bleeder’ and over the years this has caused disability in her joints. Recently she is telling everyone she has had a heart attack when it’s pretty obvious to most of us who have witnessed within our own family with heart problems, that she did not have a heart attack at all.

I have always suspected she has some form of mental illness because of the way she is. You can’t call and ask how she is without getting a full run down of the entire family’s illnesses. You can’t have a conversation, ever without medical issuses entering into it. She cannot keep her nose out of anyone’s business and takes it upon herself, when introducing one to strangers as, “This is H, she suffers from Type 2 diabetes and has a bilateral hip replacement. You will have to excuse her as she’s not feeling herself today”. This type of behaviour cannot be normal surely??? I looked up Munchausen’s Syndrome and Facitious Syndrome but they only talk about children or the person themselves presenting with illness. In this case she seems to put her own medical problems second to everyone else’s.

My question is could it be possible this person is suffering from something like this? She gets really defensive if questioned about anything and it’s a case of, if she can’t shut you up by medicating you then you are disposed of as a friend.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

From a mental health standpoint, this is most likely a Somatization Disorder. Individuals with a Somatization Disorder spend most of their time preoccupied with their medical conditions, symptoms, and limitations. They develop an illness lifestyle in which most of their day is spent dealing with a variety of limitations and symptoms. The mental health component involves a variety of symptoms in each body system — cardio, pulmonary, circulatory, neurological, skeletal, etc. Their ailments become their focus in conversation and in their relationship with others. They frequently doctor-shop and despite what seems to be multiple treatments, consultations, and medications — they feel they haven’t been cured or managed correctly. They will also have a variety of vague and unusual complaints — often with a severity that they feel disabled and incapacitated. They often report near-heart-attacks and almost-strokes as well as a variety of “spells”.

She may have developed her Somatization Disorder as a psychological reaction to her high level of responsibility with her caregiving activity. We often call that “compassion fatigue” where those caring for others become emotionally exhausted. Some become overwhelmed and stressed-out, developing panic attacks. Some become severely depressed. Some also develop Somatization Disorder as they fall into medical-symptom preoccupation that already exists in the family. In all three reactions, the bottom line is the same — the person is preoccupied and incapacitated.

In dealing with your friend, two major recommendations. #1 Pick one of her medical disorders and focus on it in discussions. This allows her some validation that she is indeed miserable and hurting. #2 Emphasize the level of stress present in her life and how that may be helped by counseling, psychiatric support, etc. Her level of somatization would be easily recognized by a mental health professional and her treatment provided with that in mind.