48 Years Old and Unhappy Every Day

Reader’s Question

Hi, I’m a 48 year old woman and I never seem to be happy. On a good day I’m just not happy, but on a bad day I lash out at my family. I seem to hate everything, and everyone. Also, I disagree with my husband and daughter about the littlest things that don’t even matter. I don’t drink but on occasion. I don’t take drugs. I work full time in an office. I have been this way for years, and it is taking a huge toll on my marriage. I really need to do something but I can’t even figure out what I’m going through. Can you help?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You are describing symptoms of a stress-produced depression. Most folks think of depression as a reaction to a stressful event such as a death in the family, job loss, etc. In clinical practice, we most often see depression that is the result of exposure to high levels of stress and/or responsibility over a prolonged period of time. When depressed, we are very irritable and take every comment, glance, and action personally.

When depression is produced by high levels of stress and/or responsibility, it comes on gradually. As we become more depressed, we adjust to the depressive symptoms (poor sleep, social withdrawal, tension, fatigue, etc.). With each adjustment we withdraw from our family and our life. After many months, we have developed a depressive lifestyle, which you describe.

I’d recommend:

1. Educate yourself about depression and how depression develops. This website and my website (www.drjoecarver.com) both have extensive articles on depression.
2. Consult with your family physician. He/She can provide antidepressant medications that are very helpful in returning your life to you.
3. Consider counseling/therapy to improve your recovery time.
4. Recognize that depression is very treatable but each person is different. For this reason, if the first antidepressant medication doesn’t suit your metabolism, it’s very common to try another one.

This is very easily treated with modern medications and professional mental health care.