“Playing Doctor” in Children

Reader’s Question

I found out that my six year old daughter and her six year old friend have been playing “doctor” and “babies”. There has been touching of genitalia from both girls on three or more occasions. My main concern is that when I talked to my daughter’s friend’s Mother, this Mother told me that her daughter had “sexual” experience with a family member who was molested. Has my daughter been molested, and should I seek therapy for her, or should I just have a discussion about the inappropriateness of the situation?

Thank you for your time.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Playing doctor is a normal behavior in children, especially pre-school children who have not yet received the school-based warnings about personal and body privacy. While children may be touching and looking, it’s more curiosity than anything else. It does tell us that they are at a stage where they are curious about these body parts — so it’s time to talk to them about body privacy.

Children who are sexually abused may exhibit an unusual preoccupation with sexual behavior. Rather than playing doctor or babies, they may mimic sexual activity. They may have more information about sexuality than they should. It doesn’ t sound like your daughter is in that situation.

Overall, a discussion about the appropriateness of that behavior and body privacy is recommended. It’s seems unlikely your child has been molested as her lack of shame, not hiding the behavior, and other factors tell us she didn’t realize she was doing anything inappropriate. No therapy is needed here — just some parental counseling. We might also want the children to play in a way that minimizes opportunity for exploration, playing in a highly monitored area in the home rather than an upstairs bedroom for example.