Friend Had Accident at Their Home

Reader’s Question

A close friend of ours was recently in an ATV accident on our property. It was our ATV, and we feel responsible. He is in the hospital fighting for his life. He was drinking at the time of the accident. We have friends over all the time, and I feel that we are very responsible for them. We don’t allow them to drive home after drinking and are very protective. I still can’t help but feel that we could have done something to prevent this. I can’t get a grasp on this. His mother blames us, and I can kind of understand. He chose to drink and he chose to get on the ATV, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Help me sort this out.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

In all situations where there is a serious injury or death, folks react in predictable ways. Almost everyone at the scene feels at least partially responsible. They replay the mental videotape of the accident and study the what-ifs and if-onlys. The conclusion reached by most: we should have been able to prevent it. In reality, that would only be true if you knew it was going to happen. Sadly, you didn’t know. In fact, there was no suggestion that he was more likely than your other friends to have an accident at that get-together. Hindsight is perfect and we can now see all the steps that led to the accident. We didn’t have that information when he was drinking or decided to ride the ATV.

His mother’s reaction is also normal. In her distress about his situation, she wants to know why it happened. In her anger, she wants to blame someone or find fault.

While this situation is highly upsetting for all involved, you and your spouse need to recognize other issues present. You may want to avoid talking too much about the event until you’ve consulted an attorney. While your good friend may have been injured, his mother is not your good friend. As you deal with the emotional complexities of the situation, you need to recognize that other complex issues may soon surface.

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