Rough Spots in a Young Relationship

Reader’s Question

I was controlled my whole life with my mom and dad. I was not allowed out of the house or to do anything for that matter. I was controlled with my grandmother who I am living with at the moment. With her I was not allowed to do anything with her. I have been with my fiancee for almost a year now, and we are going to be having a baby in November. With his I am only allowed to do certain things. Now it is getting to the point where I am not allowed to have an online diary now even though he is able to read it. He has my user name and I have nothing to hide. I have another website that I always go to, and that is how I am getting back in touch with some old friends, and he starts on me about that too now and about my MSN. He always wants me to play this WoW game with him, but I get bored of it easily and then I can’t play anymore. He is always saying that I ignore him and this and that, but he does not feel that he is the one that is really ignoring me. I really don’t know what to do. I mean I love him more then anything in the world, but I don’t like it when he does this to me. What should I do? Can you please help?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Our parents and relatives often control how we live as a child. Once we are an adult, we must determine how we are going to live. You must discuss and agree upon a way to live as adults with your boyfriend. This is a young, new relationship. He’s trying to get his way and you’re wanting to live a certain way yourself. As a team, you must agree on how you will live as a couple.

When couples operate as a team, they often reach an agreement that gives something to both of them. Make a deal with him. Young people are often insecure in relationships, having problems with jealousy, immaturity, and problems with communication. What can you agree on that makes both of you feel safe? For example, why not develop an online diary as a team — a diary of your relationship with pictures, pregnant stomach, etc. MySpace can become OurSpace. You can contact your friends and have them reply to your “couple” webpage. When the baby arrives, you post pictures of the newborn as a team.

To be a loving couple, you must think like a couple. Discuss everything and view both sides openly. Begin working on ways to cooperate. You’ll need to have a great team when the baby arrives.

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