Teenage Angst…or Depression?

Reader’s Question

I feel like something is wrong with me. Up until this year, I was pretty outgoing and friendly. However, this year, I feel completely insecure. I cannot talk to anyone without suspecting motives, and I just feel lonely, as though I have no one to talk to. I pick out the flaws in people, and once someone has wronged me or I’ve seen them do something I didn’t like once (e.g., ignored me, talked down to me, even something as silly as unknowingly badmouthing something that’s close to me, like Frank Sinatra, who I listen to when I’m feeling upset), I simply cannot trust them anymore. I don’t tell them anything personal, and even become distant. I can’t explain this to my family, as they’ve all (of course) done things like this to upset me. Some say if someone makes you upset, then you shouldn’t have to accept that, so these are high standards. However, my high standards dictate that no one has passed. Now, when I meet new people, I don’t even bother being friendly, I don’t even see the use, since they will disappoint me anyways. I feel I should mention I’m 16 — another reason why I can’t explain any of this to anyone else, because most of them laugh and pull the “teenage angst” trick. And it may be angst, but I want to know if there is something I can do about it. When I’m sad, I feel so sad, like I could cry all the time, and I would say that’s 40% of the time. Another 20% is an uncontrollable, fragile happiness, where I feel happy, but something deep down is saying it isn’t real, and I’d say the other 40% is just outright suspicion and worry, worrying about everything around me. I just don’t know what to do; I’m also scared I’m just overreacting, and that this craziness might all be my own creation. Thanks so much for reading.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

There’s a good chance you are experiencing a depression. When depressed, our brain speed increases and we lose our sense of humor and stability. We begin to take every comment, glance, slight, and action very personally. A sense of alienation develops and then guilt moves in, making us feel that people don’t like us or are against us. As the depression continues, we talk less, begin acting weird around others, and that makes others keep their distance — something we then interpret as further evidence they are against us. Setting very high standards is also a way of keeping people at a distance. It’s an excuse not to relate to others.

I’d recommend reading an article I’ve written on Understanding Depression. It’s on my website at www.drjoecarver.com. This website also contains depression information and screening tests. I also suspect you’ve encountered explanations related to teenage angst because you’re too articulate (that’s good by the way!). You’ve articulated the symptoms with such precision that the overall theme of depression would be difficult to detect. Depression has both the thought aspects you’ve mentioned, but physical ones as well. Look for the physical features of depression — sleep/appetite disturbance, early morning awakening, fatigue, crying spells, etc.

If you find you’re depressed, you may want to speak to your parents about it. Review to see if you are taking medications that may be linked to the development of depression (Accutane, birth-control injectibles, etc.). Talk to your family physician about the physical symptoms. Keep in mind that depression is common in teens and made worse as it’s often explained away as a product of the “teen years”. Do your homework and research on your symptoms, then bring your findings to your parents or trusted adults. Your symptoms are very common and can be treated. From one Sinatra fan to another.

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