People Don’t Take My Depression Seriously

Reader’s Question

Recently, I have began to fear I may be mentally ill, but nobody I talk to seems to take it seriously, so I am now reluctant to consider seeing a doctor about it.

The other thing is, everything’s gotten so much worse since my girlfriend recently broke up with me when we seemed to be getting on quite well. Before this, I seemed to alternate between moods a lot. Sometimes I feel really arrogant and make lots of sarcastic comments, and think I’m better than everyone else. I never listen to anyone else’s opinion, and I argue with my friends a lot. For example, recently, instead of just saying I was against breast-feeding in public, I had to turn it into a huge row about how I was right and my friends were all wrong. During these phases, I say things like “I’m great” and “I like me a lot” all the time. I also act in a mean way to other people whilst in these moods, and this has caused two people I was friends with to completely fall out with me and they no longer talk to me at all.

However, I also sometimes feel hugely depressed, and this break-up has caused my most depressed period yet. I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot, and when I’m in the car I imagine cars smashing into the side of us, etc. The other day there, I tried to drink alcohol, which I hate, found it revolting, poured it down the sink, thought to myself, “How pathetic am I? I can’t even drink alcohol to get over my problems like a normal person”, threw some things around and then went to the bathroom and started vomiting. I have vomited since, when I saw something I thought was evidence that my now ex-girlfriend likes my best friend. I don’t actually think they would do anything, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t, but I can’t get the thought out of my mind that they will.

I’ve also cried a few times, and I haven’t cried in years. I told my mother, who has been diagnosed as clinically depressed in the past, that I wanted to see a doctor and she said I just needed to try and give myself a shake. I felt like nobody was taking me seriously with my problems, so I went and cried. I also feel like I don’t want my future at all. I don’t really enjoy anything anymore. I also hate everyone, because I now feel like they’re all liars and manipulating me.

When I was younger, around 9 years old, I tried to hang myself twice. I also used to go into my back garden and repeatedly punch myself. I had a long period of ripping my hairs out by the root, and that has sort of returned, but not in an extreme way. I just feel despair all the time as well, and then get these areas of time where I feel so hopeful to the extent of being unrealistic, and I feel really creative and hyper during them.

Recently, due to the break-up, I have decided to take a month away from my friends and ex as I can’t face being around her as I see everything she does as being flirtatious with the other guys even when she probably isn’t. She has mental health problems, and she seems really annoyed with me, and like she can’t be bothered with my constant arguing and talking. She has said I’m too dramatic and take myself too seriously, and need to get over myself. I’ve tried to do this, but just can’t. I’m sorry for such a long e-mail, but I feel very hopeless and honestly can’t see much point in continuing living. Thanks.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

You should see a psychiatrist if possible — and immediately. You are showing signs of a severe depression. With the intensity of your symptoms, this will not gradually disappear over time and you also can’t think your way out of it. While depression is often a reaction to a significant loss (loss of partner, job, etc.) — it’s important to remember that depression produces significant losses if not treated. Depressed people lose their jobs, friends, loved ones, careers, and even life. Depression produces bitterness, resentment, and anger — all of which push our friends away from us. It’s important that you begin treatment for your depression before experiencing more losses.

If a psychiatrist is not immediately available, then consult with a mental health professional and your family physician. The current best treatment for depression is a combination of antidepressant medication and counseling/therapy. When psychiatrists are unavailable, your family physician can prescribe an antidepressant and your counselor/therapist can help with the depression. I’d also recommend reading two of my articles on my website entitled Understanding Depression and Chemical Imbalance. They’re available at www.drjoecarver.com.

You need to get moving on this as quickly as possible. Depression is a type of emotional cancer that quickly spreads to all aspects of your life. On the positive side, it’s easy to treat, it’s not a permanent disorder, and treatment is readily available in your community. Keep in mind, you probably haven’t lost your friends — they’ve just moved back to a safe distance because they don’t understand your behavior. They’re likely to return when their old friend returns. This type of depression is very common and about 25% of the population will experience this in the course of their lives.