College Student Hits an Anxiety Speed Bump

Reader’s Question

My 25 year old son has been diagnosed with acute anxiety disorder. He left college one semester before graduation, and is back home with us. He is working with a counselor and psychiatrist; should we modify our behavior in any way to make home easier for him?

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

An Acute Anxiety Disorder (or Depressive Disorder) takes a lot of students out of the university setting. The level of stress and responsibility in those last semesters, as well as the expectations of graduation and entering the world-of-work, often overwhelm students. Their anxiety level becomes so high that they can’t concentrate, study effectively, or efficiently manage their time.

For the family, when you son returns home with an anxiety or depressive disorder, some suggestions might be:

• Listen to his fears. Anxious and depressed folks think catastrophically. You’ll hear how his career has been damaged, life changed or ruined, etc.
• Focus on reality, not his anxious thoughts. When it comes to reality and college graduation, it doesn’t matter when you graduate, if you need an extra semester or year, or how old you are. Once you have a degree, no employer will ever ask — “Did it take you extra time?” There’s a joke in the doctoral programs that goes “What do they call the person who graduates last in his doctoral program?” Answer — “Doctor”.
• Help him plan his recovery and return to college. Once his anxiety is managed, he should return to college with an anxiety-management plan consisting of continued treatment, anxiety-reduction programs (exercise, eating right, etc.), and family support.
• In keeping with reality — minimize his thoughts about this situation as a major catastrophe. Focus instead on how anxiety gradually increased and develop better ways to recognize it in the future.
• Being home is being home — a safe place, a place where his parents and his neighborhood are supportive. Cook his childhood favorites. Let him feel save until he repairs his self-confidence enough to return to the fight.
• Both family and son should prepare a “press release”. Neighbors and relatives will be curious about why he has returned home. Develop a 3- or 4-sentence explanation for everyone who asks. No long explanations, interpretations, or discussions of the situation. Something like “He’s taking a semester and the summer off to prepare for graduation and his next career move. We as a family feel lucky to have the time with him before he jumps into his career. He may end up in Montana (country, location, etc.) so we want to enjoy him being home for a while.”
• The Internet has a variety of recommendations for anxiety reduction. Have a research project that reviews those.

Your son has hit a speed bump in the road of life…a caution that reminds us not to go too fast. This speed bump doesn’t change our direction — it just physically reminds us that we can’t go too fast in the direction we’re going. Everyone is taking the proper steps needed for recovery. This should not be a long-term problem.