Such Nightmares I’m Scared to Go to Sleep

Reader’s Question

Hello. Recently I have been, for lack of a better word, scared to sleep. This is due to recurring nightmares that have me waking up in the night panicking and quite often crying, so I don’t sleep very much. These dreams are about losing my boyfriend, and even though he assures me it won’t happen, after calling him after a nighmare, I feel a bit better over the night — but then the next night it starts all over again. I don’t know what to do and I was wondering if you had any suggestions.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

Nightmares are very common and don’t predict the future. At times they do reflect moods however. Anxious folks tend to have anxiety dreams. Depressed folks dream of death, dying, etc. Folks with high self-esteem dream of being a superhero, superpowers, etc. Some thoughts about your nightmares:

• Dreams and nightmares often follow the last thoughts and feelings we had when falling asleep. This is why we don’t want children to watch scary movies before bedtime — a nightmare will probably follow. Recurrent dreams are often produced when we go to sleep thinking or worrying about a previous bad dream as when we say to ourselves — “I hope I don’t have this dream again” — and sure enough, if we think about it, we have it again.
• Nightmares are often found in anxious people who have had their sense of security threatened. — real or imagined. People who have experienced trauma frequently recall the event in their nightmares, “reliving” the horrible experience.
• Here’s where you may fit in… Nightmares can also be produced when we anticipate being traumatized. Imagine being told you are having a special meeting with the big-boss in three days. You imagine the worst and sure enough, you’ll have nightmares about it. You’ll imagine getting fired! In romance, if our insecurities are sparked by a real event (seeing his ex, a casual comment, etc.) or an imagined event (fear of breaking-up), nightmares may follow. The brain can vividly imagine good or bad scenes during the day. These same scenes are imagined and played at night as well.
• Nightmares can also reflect the anxieties of the day — real or imagined. If you’ve been under a lot of stress, the sense of insecurity can produce nightmares. Your boyfriend will be included as the brain feels EVERYTHING is falling apart.
• Nightmares can also be produced by changes in medications. Some antidepressant medications are well-known for producing vivid dreams — some of which are nightmares.

Guidelines:

• Think positively. Imagine happy-ever-after scenes and not breakups.
• You are likely going to bed tense/anxious. Develop a goodnight ritual that is calming. Dim the lights early before you go to bed. Slow down and calm down.
• Try to go to sleep with a calming image in your head. Remember, your brain creates moods to match what you are thinking. Imagine relaxing on a beach. Many people use the same relaxing imagine each night to sleep by.
• Check your current lifestyle situation for stress. If stress is high, exercise and use other stress reducers.
• If you have negative images or predictions in your head, lighten’ them up. Imagine positive outcomes. People who imagine that Big Boss is going to give them a raise in three days don’t have nightmares about it.

You can also research the internet and this site for other tips for a good night’s sleep.