Is it Jealousy, or Something Else?

Reader’s Question

Hi, I’m 32 and female. I’m so jealous and insecure in my relationship, to the degree that if he puts the telly on I feel threatened in case there are any females on there. It’s driving me mad. I turn papers upside down if there’s a female on it, just in case he sees. I’m forever on my guard and never relaxed. If he spends a lot of time doing something else, I think he doesn’t love me. I really need to know what to do as I’m losing my mind, I even suffer panic attacks now and can’t drive very far.

Thanks, Laura.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

In relationships, a certain amount of jealousy is not unusual and often happens when the feelings are triggered by an event such as seeing an ex-sweetheart, mention of an event related to a previous partner, etc. In your situation, there is no “trigger” or event that might logically produce jealousy. You are jealous and insecure about situations what haven’t occurred such as hiding pictures in magazines.

Your type of jealously and insecurity, as well as your panic attacks, suggest you are experiencing a depressive and/or anxiety disorder. When we are under stress or depressed, our normal insecurities are amplified. You are, in a way, starting to view almost everything in your environment as a threat to not only your relationship, but your personal security and safety as well. Your anxiety level is now reaching panic attacks. This only looks like romantic jealousy on the surface.

I’d strongly recommend consulting a psychiatrist or at a minimum your family physician. Your anxiety level is reaching the point that you might become incapacitated and unable to leave the house. Again, this only looks like jealousy. It’s actually an anxiety and depressive disorder. You’ll also have the sleep, appetite, concentration, energy, and social sensitivity problems commonly found in depression. Treatment for the mental health issues is the key to keeping your relationship — not hiding magazines or blocking his view of the television.