Can a 3 Year Old Be Suicidal?

Reader’s Question

I suppose this is a question with multiple facets to it.

Can a 3 year old child be suicidal? The parent is insisting the child is suicidal due to the child’s father’s illness which included a 6 week coma of the father — doctors not allowing the child to see its father during this time period. Do children at this age have the capability of understanding death or the potential of death, and can they be at the early age of 3 years old — suicidal due to a parent’s illness? And, can a parent (mother) now facing the prospect of being a single parent, over time induce a mental illness or supression of the child’s ability to grow emotionally and psychologically in order to maintain a sense of control of the events that have taken place in the mother’s life?

Thank you in advance for your outlook/view on this.

Our Consulting Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

It is highly unlikely that a three-year-old child is suicidal. Children do react to stress, changes in their environment, and the physical/emotional condition of their parents. Under stress, children often exhibit regressive behaviors, returning in their development/maturity to an earlier stage. Children who have been long since toilet trained begin to wet the bed, use baby talk, and become very clinging under stress. These regressive behaviors may be interpreted by adults as a severe psychiatric illness, but rarely as being suicidal.

As you suspect, the mother is likely to need mental health help. It doesn’t get much more stressful than her current situation and she is likely to be emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed. Her focus on the child’s behavior may be a subconscious plea for help.

I would recommend:

1. Remain emotionally and socially supportive,
2. Suggest that she seek mental health consultation to help her better address the needs of her child and her family in this current crisis,
3. Try to arrange some emotional and social breaks for her — perhaps babysitting with the children, and
4. Recognize that the extreme stress of her life situation may create unusual interpretations, behaviors, or comments on her part.

Keep in mind that the stress of the situation will amplify and complicate any existing marital, social, or extended-family problems. She will need a lot of support from responsible and mature adults in her environment.