Always Looking for Something Better?

Reader’s Question

Q. Hello, I’m wondering what the disorder is for someone who is always trying to find something better or trying different things to make them happy. Specifically ending relationships because they don’t see a future with the other person.

– Thanks, David

Our Clinical Psychologist’s Reply

A. Trying to be happy is not a disorder. Searching for things to make us happy is very common — we do it every day. We select our meals, clothing, friends, music, TV shows, and such based on what we like…or what makes us happy. Long-term happiness is not as easy and it’s harder to find a career, partner, or lifestyle that makes us happy. After a period of time working a job, we may come to realize that the job will not make us happy or be good for us in the future. Folks make the same decisions about romantic partners. Most relationships end because someone is unhappy. They feel ending the relationship is a step toward happiness for them.

Conflicts arise because what makes one person happy doesn’t work for another person. One person may be very happy or comfortable with the way the current relationship works — while their partner may be very unhappy. Everyone thinks differently. In the end, a person is responsible for his or her own happiness. When they try yet can’t find it in a relationship, they frequently end that relationship and continue their search.